He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
