I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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