whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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