You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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