So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
