I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
