his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
