some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Enjoy the penises
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
