You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
