I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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