Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize