Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
