i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize