Already got asked if we're dating
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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