Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Of course I have a pirate flag
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
