one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
