he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
