weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
