the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
