you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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