Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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