Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
