I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
