Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
