What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
