just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I checked into jail on foursquare
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
