: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
