I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
