who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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