My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
