I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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