Nicole vs. Life
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
