I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
