Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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