I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The adults are the big ones right?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
