and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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