i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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