hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
