Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
