I am in a vortex of obligation.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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