Will you blow on my dice?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
