don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
