I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
