I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize