Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
