One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
