omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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