I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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