I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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