I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
