i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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