You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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