did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
