I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
