I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
