We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i think im in europe. pls send help
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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