New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
