why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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