i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
