man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
