She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
