Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
