Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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