I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
