Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
