I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
